March 26

Quote of the Day

An honest man's pillow

is his peace of mind.

John Cougar Mellencamp

Ive had this discussion on a few occasions now.

I'm too honest. Whether it is about me telling someone how I feel too directly or stressing over midterms without accepting a little "cheat-ish" help from others on a take home exam, I get comments on how I don't need to be "THAT honest"...But I can't help it.

Blame my idealistic rearing or my overly developed conscience. Even blame my sky-high expectations of myself and those in relationship with me. But why would you blame someone for honesty, regardless of where its roots may lie? I sleep better at night after having upset someone with a comment about his or her ignorance in the last comment he or she made than after keeping my mind shut and maintaining the ignorant bliss. And that A wouldn't sweeten my dreams if it wasn't really my A at all, would it?

A case in point: Would finally getting the green light on staying and working in the U.S. be as sweet if I earned it through a fiscally arranged convenience-marriage? Probably not. Is this not-so-tiny-yet-not-so-impossible lie a lurking temptation at times? ....Hardly. I've been morphed into too much of a romantic for such monstrosities, but hey...That trapdoor is out there.

Sigh.

Maybe I'll get to better places with this honest approach to living, maybe I'll be more liked by those that matter in my life. Maybe I won't end up in the U.S., after all, and maybe this will be much better than any of my American dreams. But then again, maybe honesty will prevail and I'll win the green card lottery! Here's to honest hoping, praying, chanting, and finger crossing!

Good night.

ps. I've planted a few flower bushes, bought a tomato seedling, tons of seeds and soil, and made roadside discoveries for the roof. We've also began incorporating an "in the garden" song to everything imaginable with the roommate, but that's another story. Regardless, the infuriating split personality weather is gone off the deep end again, and garden plans are on hold. Pictures to follow.